I grew up in a small town in Massachusetts 30 minutes outside of Boston. My issues with food and my body image came into play the same time for most girls my age of 13. I remember my mom always dieting and on weight watchers. She never realized what an impact it had on me I felt if my mom thought she was fat, what about me? Then one of my friend was diagnosed with anorexia. She was always thin, but ended up becoming scary thin. I remember going to my mom while she was getting treatment that she is boring now.
I think back and wish I was more understanding but at the time I was starting to have my own food issues. At 15 my family makes a huge move to Houston Texas. I thought I was adjusting okay but I wasn’t. I suddenly stood out. I had an accent that I never thought I had before. My body image went low, especially since some of the girls in my high school were former beauty queens and models. At 16 I started restricting my eating, I was impressed that I could get full on a small McDonald shake. I was so malnourished that I got shingles as a teenager. I still have outbreaks at times when I am extremely stressed they are never as server they were when I 16.
By the time, I met my husband I was already obese according to the evil BMI charts. I was happy that someone loved me for me and not how I looked. I still had a secret I would still binge and purge every few months. Then I got pregnant with my first child. I gained 30 lbs. during that pregnancy. I had all sorts of problems with my first pregnancy. Pregnancy induced hypertension I was put on a special diet and had to be put on moderate bed rest. Once I had my daughter and was nursing all the baby weight was going away. I was even lost more than my pre-baby weight. Then I got pregnant again with my second child. I ended up gaining the same amount of weight that I did with my first pregnancy. That time the weight didn’t come off as well. I managed to lose 10 lbs. but that was it. Then it started to go up.
The worst my weight got was when we moved to Alaska. I was okay the first year, but as the winters got longer and the summer shorter it took its toll on me. While living in Alaska I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder and bad sessional depression. My only way to cope was with food. I stopped all sorts of purging by now because I didn’t want my girls to pick up bad habits. Yet, I was fine letting them seem me eat a whole pizza in a day. I was at a loss, I tried OA, FAA, and weight watchers. I was never truly serious enough to do what I truly needed to do.
Two events took place to get me to start changing. The first was when I was going to my best friend’s wedding. Living in Alaska pretty much means two ways of travel during certain times of year plane, ferry and auto. Since it was just after winter and would take 4 days to drive to Oregon we had to fly. I hate flying, mainly for the fear of crashing. This trip I added another fear. Not being able to fit in the seat. I barley fit. Thank God I was sitting next to my kids because I could move the arm rest up. This time however, I was just an inch of needing a seat belt extender. I don’t really know how much I really weighed because I got rid of my scale. When I weighed myself at work after the wedding I was at 283. This was an all-time high. So, I started trying to find something that would help.
Yet, I fell into a state of complacency. I started to feel that I am just destined to be fat. Then something happened that freaked me out. I would be sitting at my desk at work and my heart rate would be at 80. It is in the normal range but at the higher side. Okay maybe this is a fluke, but it kept going on for the whole week. On February 2, 2016, I signed up for weight watcher this time I stuck with it and by my weight loss anniversary I was 38 lbs. lighter. It was not the huge loss I was hoping for but I will take it over going higher.
I am no way done yet. I have about 60 lbs. more to lose and a torn Achilles tendon to heal from. I am not on weight watcher at the moment due to having to deal with financial issues that arose during our five year exile to Alaska. I am taking what I have learned from weight watcher. Track everything you eat, move, water, water and more water and support. Support have been the biggest thing for me. Without my supportive comic geek husband, and the weight watcher connect community I would have been lost.